35화 그날

삼 주가 지났다.

**[경과 기록]**

| 항목 | 초진 | 3주 후 |
|---|---|---|
| 체중 | 38kg | 42kg |
| 보행 | 부축 필요 | 단독 가능 |
| 수면 | 2~3시간 | 5시간 |
| 외출 | 불가 | 짧은 산책 가능 |

모연은 조금씩 돌아오고 있었다.

혼자 걸을 수 있게 됐고, 밥을 먹었고, 가끔은 먼저 말을 걸기도 했다.

수진은 매일 아침 병원에 데려다주고, 저녁에 데려왔다. 낮에는 회사에 있었지만, 일이 손에 잡히지 않았다.

*언제 물어야 하나.*

그 생각만 계속 돌았다.

그날 저녁, 모연이 먼저 꺼냈다.

"수진 씨."

거실 소파였다. 창밖으로 해가 지고 있었다.

"네."

"물어보고 싶은 거, 있잖아요."

수진의 손이 멈췄다.

"……."

"삼 주 동안 참고 계셨잖아요. 저 그거 다 알아요."

모연이 수진을 똑바로 바라봤다. 처음 데려온 날과는 눈빛이 달라져 있었다.

"물어보세요. 이제 괜찮아요."

수진은 한참 동안 말이 없었다.

5년을 준비한 질문이었다. 감방 안에서 수백 번, 수천 번 다듬은 문장이 있었다.

그런데 막상 입을 여니, 나온 건 가장 단순한 말이었다.

"왜 그랬어요."

모연은 잠시 눈을 감았다가 떴다.

"처음부터 말할게요."

"……."

"저, 처음부터 알고 있었어요."

수진의 얼굴에서 표정이 사라졌다.

"뭘요."

"수진 씨가 왜 태산에 들어왔는지. 누가 데려왔는지. 무슨 서류를 만들고 있었는지. 전부요."

거실이 조용해졌다.

"지훈이 저한테 먼저 왔어요. 수진 씨 오기 여덟 달 전에."

**[모연이 말한 것]**

| 항목 | 내용 |
|---|---|
| 최초 제안 | 지훈 → 모연 |
| 조건 | 500억 반씩 |
| 실행자 | 외부 인력 필요 |
| 실행자 처리 | 서류 흔적 귀속 후 수사기관 인계 |
| 후보 선정 | 모연이 직접 지목 |

"후보 명단을 보여줬어요. 몇 사람 있었는데, 제가 골랐어요."

"……."

"수진 씨를요."

수진은 아무 말도 하지 않았다. 손끝이 하얗게 질려 있었다.

"왜 골랐는지 아세요?"

모연의 목소리가 떨렸다.

"가족관계가 없어서요. 일이 잘못돼도 찾을 사람이 없으니까."

수진이 자리에서 일어났다.

"그럼."

목소리가 갈라졌다.

"그럼 처음부터 다요? 펜트하우스에서 처음 봤을 때부터?"

"네."

"약 먹고 쓰러졌던 것도?"

"약은 진짜였어요. 근데 그 상황을 이용한 것도 맞아요."

"밤바다에서 물어본 것도요?"

수진의 목소리가 갈라졌다.

"만약에 나한테 나쁜 짓을 했으면 어떡할 거냐고. 그때 이미 다 정해놓고 물어본 거예요?"

모연이 고개를 들었다.

"……그건 정말로 궁금해서 물어본 거예요."

"뭐가 궁금한데요."

"그냥, 만에 하나라도 수진 씨가 다르게 대답하면."

말끝이 흐려졌다.

"근데 수진 씨가 뭐라고 했는지 기억나세요?"

수진은 대답하지 못했다. 기억하고 있었다.

*아가씨가 저한테 뭘 어떻게 하겠어요.*

"그 말 듣고, 아 이 사람은 끝까지 모르겠구나 싶었어요."

모연의 목소리가 낮게 가라앉았다.

"그래서 그날 밤에 잠을 못 잤어요."

수진은 이를 악물었다.

"서고에서 그 얘기 했던 것도? 엄마 얘기도?"

모연이 고개를 저었다.

"그건 아니에요."

"거짓말하지 마요."

"진짜예요. 그 얘기는 계획에 없었어요. 저도 왜 했는지 몰라요."

수진이 웃었다. 웃음이 아니었다.

"그럼 마지막 밤은요."

"……."

"그날 밤. 그것도 계획이었어요?"

모연은 대답하지 못했다.

"말해요."

"……제보는, 그 전날 이미 넘긴 상태였어요."

수진의 얼굴이 굳었다.

"그날 밤에, 이미 알고 있었다는 거예요? 다음 날 내가 잡혀갈 거란 걸?"

"네."

"알면서, 나한테 안겼어요?"

"……네."

수진이 벽을 쳤다. 액자 하나가 떨어져 깨졌다.

"내가 그날 뭐 하고 있었는지 알아요?"

수진의 목소리가 낮게 떨렸다.

"새벽에 뛰어다니면서 여권 구했어요. 값 세 배 주고. 통장에 있는 거 다 털어서."

"……알아요."

"뭐?"

"압수물 목록에서 봤어요. 항공권 두 장."

모연의 눈에서 눈물이 흘러내렸다.

"그거 보고, 그 자리에서 숨을 못 쉬었어요."

"그럼 왜."

수진이 소리쳤다.

"그럼 왜 그때 말 안 했어요! 라운지에서 내가 뭐라고 했는지 기억나요? 드릴 말씀이 있다고 했잖아요! 그때 한마디만 했으면……!"

말이 끊겼다.

수진은 자기 목소리에 스스로 놀라 입을 다물었다.

모연이 조용히 대답했다.

"그때 말했으면, 제가 감옥에 갔겠죠."

"……."

"저는 살고 싶었어요."

너무 솔직한 대답이라, 오히려 수진이 할 말을 잃었다.

"수진 씨. 저 변명 안 할게요."

모연이 자리에서 일어났다. 비틀거렸지만 혼자 섰다.

"저는 살려고 수진 씨를 팔았어요. 그게 다예요. 사랑했다는 말로 덮을 생각도 없어요."

수진은 창가에 서서 밖을 보고 있었다.

한참 동안 아무도 말하지 않았다.

"……나가라고 하면, 나갈게요."

모연이 낮게 말했다.

"어디로요."

"어디든요."

"몸도 못 가누면서."

수진이 짧게 대꾸했다. 화가 난 목소리였다.

그러고는 다시 침묵이 흘렀다.

수진은 유리에 비친 자기 얼굴을 봤다.

*5년 동안 이 순간만 생각했는데.*

이 사람을 찾아내서, 멱살을 잡고, 왜 그랬냐고 묻고, 그리고—

*그리고 뭘 하려고 했더라.*

머릿속에 답이 없었다. 5년 동안 그다음은 한 번도 생각해본 적이 없었다.

"강모연 씨."

"……네."

"하나만 물을게요."

수진이 돌아섰다.

"그 5년 동안, 후회했어요?"

모연의 얼굴이 일그러졌다.

"매일이요."

"…….."

"매일 벽에 이름 새겼어요. 지워지면 또 새기고."

수진은 그 대답을 오래 곱씹었다.

그러고는 깨진 액자를 주우러 갔다. 유리 조각을 손으로 집으려다, 손가락을 베었다.

피가 났다.

모연이 다가와 그 손을 잡았다.

수진은 뿌리치지 않았다.

English

Three weeks passed.

> **[Progress Record]**
>
> | Item | First visit | After three weeks |
> |---|---|---|
> | Weight | 38 kg | 42 kg |
> | Walking | Support needed | Able on her own |
> | Sleep | Two to three hours | Five hours |
> | Going out | Not possible | Short walks possible |

Moyeon was coming back to herself, in **gradual** steps.

She could walk on her own now, she ate her meals, and now and then she was the one who spoke first.

Sujin drove her to the hospital every morning and brought her home every evening. During the day she was at the office, but the work would not stay in her hands.

*When am I supposed to ask.*

That one thought kept going around and around.

That evening, Moyeon brought it up first.

"Sujin."

They were on the living room sofa, and outside the window the sun was going down.

"Yes."

"There is something you want to ask me."

Sujin's hand stopped where it was.

"..."

"You have been holding it in for three weeks. I know that, all of it."

Moyeon looked straight at Sujin, and the look in her eyes was not what it had been on the day she was first brought here.

"Ask me. It is all right now."

Sujin said nothing for a long time.

It was a question she had been preparing for five years. Inside her cell she had gone over a single sentence hundreds of times, thousands of times, to **refine** it.

And yet when her mouth finally opened, what came out was the simplest question of all.

"Why did you do it."

Moyeon closed her eyes for a moment and then opened them again.

"I will tell you from the beginning."

"..."

"I knew it from the very beginning."

The expression drained out of Sujin's face.

"Knew what."

"Why you came into Taesan. Who brought you in. What documents you were making. All of it."

The living room went quiet.

"Jihoon came to me first. Eight months before you came."

> **[What Moyeon Said]**
>
> | Item | Content |
> |---|---|
> | First proposal | From Jihoon to Moyeon |
> | Terms | Fifty billion won, split in half |
> | Operator | An outside hand needed |
> | Handling of the operator | Paper trail assigned to the operator, then passed to the investigators |
> | Choice of candidate | Named by Moyeon herself |

"He showed me a list of candidates. There were a few people on it, and I chose."

"..."

"You."

Sujin said nothing, and the tips of her fingers had gone white.

"Do you know why I chose you?"

Moyeon's voice shook.

"Because you had no family. Because if it went wrong, there would be no one to come looking for you."

Sujin got up from her seat.

"So."

Her voice cracked.

"So it was all of it from the start? From the first time we saw each other in the penthouse?"

"Yes."

"The pills too? Collapsing after you took them?"

"The pills were real. But it is also true that I used that situation."

"And what you asked me at the sea that night?"

Sujin's voice cracked.

"What I would do if you had done something bad to me. You asked me that with everything already decided?"

Moyeon lifted her head.

"...That one I asked because I really wanted to know."

"Wanted to know what."

"Just, if by some chance you answered differently."

The end of her sentence faded away.

"But do you remember what you said?"

Sujin could not answer, but she remembered it.

*What could you possibly do to me.*

"When I heard that, I thought, ah, this person will never see it coming."

Moyeon's voice sank low.

"That was why I could not sleep that night."

Sujin clenched her teeth.

"And the story in the archive? The one about your mother?"

Moyeon shook her head.

"That one was not."

"Do not lie to me."

"It is true. That story was never in the plan. I do not know myself why I told it."

Sujin laughed, but it was not a laugh.

"Then what about the last night."

"..."

"That night. Was that a plan too?"

Moyeon could not answer.

"Say it."

"...The **whistleblower** report had been handed over the day before."

Sujin's face went stiff.

"You are telling me that on that night you already knew? That I would be taken away the next day?"

"Yes."

"And knowing that, you came into my arms?"

"...Yes."

Sujin struck the wall, and a picture frame fell and broke.

"Do you know what I was doing that day?"

Sujin's voice shook, low.

"I ran around before dawn and got a passport. I paid three times the price. I emptied everything in my account."

"...I know."

"What?"

"I saw it on the list of things they took. Two plane tickets."

Tears ran down Moyeon's face.

"When I saw that, I could not breathe, right there where I stood."

"Then why."

Sujin shouted.

"Then why did you not say it! Do you remember what I said in the lounge? I told you there was something I had to tell you! If you had said one word then...!"

The words broke off.

Startled by her own voice, Sujin closed her mouth.

Moyeon answered quietly.

"If I had said it then, I would have gone to prison."

"..."

"I wanted to live."

The answer was so **frank** that it was Sujin who lost her words.

"Sujin. I am not going to make excuses."

Moyeon rose from her seat, and though she swayed, she stood on her own.

"I sold you so that I could live. That is all of it. I have no intention of covering it with the word love."

Sujin stood at the window and looked out.

For a long while neither of them said anything.

"...If you tell me to leave, I will leave."

Moyeon said it low.

"Leave for where."

"Anywhere."

"You cannot even hold yourself up."

Sujin answered shortly, and it was an angry voice.

Then the silence came back.

Sujin looked at her own face in the glass.

*For five years I thought of nothing but this moment.*

Find this person, take her by the collar, ask her why she had done it, and then—

*And then what was I going to do.*

There was no answer in her head, and in five years she had never once thought past that point.

"Kang Moyeon."

"...Yes."

"I will ask you one thing."

Sujin turned around.

"In those five years, did you feel any **remorse**?"

Moyeon's face twisted.

"Every day."

"..."

"Every day I carved your name into the wall. When it wore away, I carved it again."

Sujin turned that answer over for a long time.

Then she went to pick up the broken frame, and as she tried to lift a piece of the glass with her fingers, she cut herself.

Blood ran from the cut.

Moyeon came over and took that hand.

Sujin did not push the hand away.